Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Christmas Time In The Country?

Maybe the country is a bit extreme, but it is far from the hustle and bustle of everyday life. I've talked about "the farm" quite a bit in the last year, but not in the way that I will today, at least not that I remember...

We arrived at the farm for another Christmas celebration. Breakfast food, coffee, great conversations and wonderful peep... Scratch all of that...

We arrived at the farm today to find the strongest woman I know writhing in pain from the medications that are trying to preserve her or at the very least, prolong her fragile life. You see, she has stage four cancer, and has for the last few years. She's beat off everything that it has thrown at her, until this last volley that has left her struggling to stay who she is.

It is more difficult than you could ever imagine, watching someone so strong, so full of life just not be able to do anything she wants.

Gleefully going out in the rain, wind or snow to care for the animals she loves so much... To be able to make a breakfast large enough for 12, when there were only 5... To launch witty comebacks at her hubby who just can't come up with a retort... As we sat down for Christmas this morning, I began to realize that not only was I losing a mom, but the world was losing one of the most amazing people that it has.

Sure, everyone might feel that way about someone, but Ara really summed it up the other night when we talked about her friends, her coworkers and even those that just knew her by reputation. She is a strong willed beast who has the kindest soul in the world. She'll tell it like it is, not taking any crap, but be willing to hug you five seconds later and tell you it will be all right.

I don't know if these meds are going to make her life any better, or even make it longer at this point. What I do know is that some of them are making it almost impossible for her to live out her life like she would want to. It makes me sad to know that she might have to stay on these meds until she is so sick she can't do anything, but I'm still hopeful that the doctors can figure out a balance that will let her live while she is still alive.

If they can't, it seems like an awful waste of time making yourself so sick that you can't live the way you want to. I'm not talking about going skydiving or something crazy, but just simple things, like taking the dogs for a walk, or maybe seeing Evie ride her new bike.

Well, this will end my incoherent rambling here as I'm not sure how to go on or even organize my thought foe today. Its hard watching this happen.

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